Thank you for contacting me.

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

I received an email this morning from Claire McCaskill that began: Thank you for contacting me regarding health insurance reform. That first sentence kind of made sense because I did indeed contact her regarding the health insurance reform. The rest of the email was pretty much flapdoodle; however, by reading carefully, I was able to read between the lines.

Dear voter,

Our country is in a healthcare crisis. The situation had been festering for years, but we were able to make it into a full-blown crisis by passing a healthcare bill designed, created and passed entirely by Democrats. As representatives of the people, we passed this bill without reading it. We didn’t read it because we couldn’t understand it. Please understand, is not our fault. No one could possibly understand this bill.

Still, we passed it because of the input we received from you; the voters of this great land. You crammed into our offices. You came out in masses to our town hall meetings. We received tens of thousands of phone calls, emails and letters explaining what you thought about this great piece of legislation. You were so enthusiastic in your feeling about the bill that we no longer needed the town hall meetings. We even quit stepping out into public because of the real risk of sensory overload. We received your message loud and clear. We, your duly elected Democrat politicians, can now explain some things to you.

#1) We don’t care what you think. You are far too stupid to understand legislation of this complexity. That’s why we didn’t read it.

#2) Quit worrying about the bill’s constitutionality. We don’t worry about whether or not it’s constitutional; why should you? This is Obamacare! It has nothing to do with the constitution.

#3) Quit worrying about the cost of the bill. No one will ever accuse this legislation of trying to hide the decline. No sir. We massaged the heck out of the cost of this bill before we allowed a portion of it to be evaluated by the Congressional Budget Committee. There was no way they could show an increase to the national debt – well, maybe a little – from the numbers we allowed them to see. If we just maybe, possibly underbid this thing a teensy little bit, like the 800% we were off on the original Medicare bill, it is still no problem. Either our great-great grandchildren can settle things up, or the Chinese can when they call in our note. It is nothing we need to worry about. (We recommend the Rosetta Stone program to learn Chinese. You might want to order yours today.)

#4) Quit worrying about the half trillion dollars we removed from Medicare. We didn’t really remove it. We are just going to withhold a larger portion of what Medicare used to pay to the doctors. This is in addition to what we withheld from them before. Doctors don’t care. They should just happy to have a job in the new Socialists States of . . . I mean, some of them will probably still accept Medicare patients. Besides, we don’t believe nearly as many of them will be taking early retirement as said they would. That was just rhetoric from capitalist doctors who hate our bill for no good reason.

#5) Don’t worry about “death panels” controlling the treatments a doctor can give. I mean, medical treatment is expensive and, with the decrease in the number of doctors, someone will have to make the decision of who will be treated. In dire cases, perhaps a large donation to the DNC will be able to expedite treatment.

#6) Don’t worry about coming up with the money to buy insurance if you are in good health and can’t afford it. For this bill to have the tiniest remote chance of working, everyone must have insurance. Because the young and healthy must be able to offset the cost of the elderly and those with preexisting conditions, their premiums will necessarily be much higher than previously. But don’t worry about the cost. If you can’t find the money, we will. Our 16,000 new IRS agents will be able get everyone insured. Even though it is not a “crime” if you don’t buy insurance, we have ways to make you conform. Those tax returns so many receive, even if they don’t pay income tax; that’s will be your health insurance payment. All those entitlement programs the poor receive; who do you think controls them. The healthy student going to college who thinks he needs his money for books: Hah! We control the student loans. Want a student loan? Get insurance. Now you are starting to see just how comprehensive this bill really is.

There are many, many more sections of this bill that control additional parts of you life, but by now you should be getting the idea. We own you. Just buy your insurance and shut up. Oh, and don’t be surprised when the cost of your policies jump after we nationalize 20 million illegal aliens and place them in the program. We know what’s best for you.

Published in: on April 9, 2010 at 11:32 am  Leave a Comment  
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